How We Fail To Create New Habits — and What Works Better

There are so many places where we want to create positive change in our lives. Here are just a few:

·      Embarking on a healthy lifestyle including diet and exercise

·      Creating more balance in our work lives

·      Confronting overwhelm at work

·      Building a successful leadership approach

·      Creating more joy and fulfillment in life and work

·      Leaning into a life of learning & innovation

·      Building relationships that are meaningful

So when we begin to think about make positive changes, a little dialogue in our head emerges that might sound like this:

“If I am truly going to change then I need to finally be more determined and truly make the changes that are needed – big changes – or else it will never happen.  And frankly, I’m not going to even try unless I can do it right. Once I finally make the big changes that are needed, I will finally see the change I hope for.”

If any part of that dialogue is in your head, consider these myths.

Myth #1:  Willpower creates change 

If there is one thing we know it’s that willpower doesn’t make the difference in creating new habits.   Sure, we have willpower, but it is in short supply.  Behavioral scientists have for a really long time known that willpower only gets you so far and eventually gives out.

Myth #2:  To create change, we need to take massive action

We think that in order to create massive success, we need massive action.   That might seem logistical enough.  Our minds reason, “If my dream is big then my action should too right?”  Here is another I hear from clients, “If I can’t do it well, then I might as well not do it at all.”

And here is the truth.  It isn’t about massive action.   

We can make considerable changes to our lives starting with making things 1 percent better.  One percent better is meditating for 1 minute instead 15 or 30 minutes.  One percent better is going to the gym for 5-10 times instead of the full hour.  One percent better is creating that one hour where you commit to being focused on the project that needs your undivided attention.

Over time, that 1 percent better becomes noticeable.  If you focus on getting 1 percent better every day for a year then you’ll be 37 times better by the time you are done.  In other words, small habits compound over time.

This is called ‘positive compounding’

Source: Atomic Habit, James Clear

Of course, most of us look at a 1 percent change with distain.  Let’s take some examples:

• If you go to the gym 3 times, you aren’t suddenly in shape.

• If you change how you tackle difficult project at work for one week, you aren’t suddenly feeling the project is flowing.

• If you only meditate 1 time out of 5 days, you may not suddenly feel less stress in your life.

• If you change how you show up for parenting a couple of time, you aren’t suddenly going to become the parent you want to be.

Here is what we forget.  The impact of a small change over time can have a tremendous impact. 

Making a choice to be 1 percent better over a span of many moments can make a lifetime of difference.

Myth #3:  If change doesn’t come soon, it won’t come at all.

All too often, we quit because we aren’t seeing the change we want.  We usually start a change in earnest but after making a strong investment, and if we do not see tangible results, we’ll decide to quit.  This is why 80 percent of all New Year Resolutions fail.

Whether we’re conscious of it or not, when we think about change and creating positive habits, our brains will feed us some version of a story that change happens overnight. 

The truth of the matter is this.  There are an infinitesimally small number of overnight successes when it comes to the kinds of changes that are meaningful and lasting.  I’ve seen beautiful transformational changes in my clients but more often than not those changes take some time and investment.

In Atomic Habits, James Clear describes how there is often a delay in seeing impact from our efforts.  We may be working toward an outcome and are not seeing results.  In fact, even after effort, we can end up in a place called the ‘valley of disappointment’ where people feel discouraged after weeks or even months of effort. 

But there is a real thing called the ‘Plateau of Latent Potential’ where you experience a breakthrough after much effort.  A breakthrough moment is often the result of many previous action.  Others may be perceive a breakthrough an overnight success but, in fact, it is the cumulative effort over time.  All of the effort along the way isn’t lost, it was just being stored for the breakthrough moment.

Source: Atomic Habits, James Clear

So if we remove the myths, then what do we know?

1.     Relying on willpower is a poor strategy.

2.     Change can happen by taking small (e.g. one-percent) actions that accumulate over time.

3.     Breakthrough change will happen but often after a period of disappointment. 

 So if you are working on creating a new habit, all you really want to care about is this question: 

Am I on the right path? Another way of saying this is:  Am I taking action on the outcome I am hoping for?

• If I am wanting a healthy lifestyle, am I taking action in furtherance of my health?

• If I am wanting to create more peace, am I taking action in furtherance of this outcome

• If I am wanting to focus more on leadership, am taking one small step in furtherance of that outcome?

If the answer is yes, then you can let go of agonizing whether or not your action is big enough to make a difference.  You can let go of wondering exactly when you will hit your breakthrough.  Most importantly, you can let go of the fear you will fail.  All you need is to focus on staying on the right path.

That is how habits form.