What Not to do When Figuring Out Your Life Purpose (& What to do Instead)
What is a purpose driven life? What is a purpose driven career?
Answering one or both of these questions can be a rewarding process. But for many of us, searching for our purpose can also leave us feeling discouraged especially if we don’t know the answer.
The pursuit of life purpose is a priority for so many of my clients at all stages (and all ages) of life: mid-career professionals who are unfulfilled at work, retirees or semi-retirees who want to create their next chapter, younger professionals who are wanting an ideal career.
The very good news is you can get to know your ‘purpose’. But all too often, we are looking in the wrong place.
Is this you?
The people I help come to me frustrated or empty — frustrated they are running around like a Tasmanian devil but getting nowhere or feeling empty because life is passing them by at warp speed and they can’t seem to grasp it for themselves. Is that you?
Here is what I hear:
“My job no longer fulfills me but I don’t know where I can truly succeed.”
“There’s something is missing in my life but I can’t figure out what it is.”
“I want to make a bigger impact but find I am focused on just paying my bills.”
“I am 100 percent certain of the 50 things I no longer want to do and zero percent clear on what I should do instead.”
“I don’t want my tombstone to say, ‘I managed best I could.’”
What not to do when looking for your life purpose
With a multi-billion industry working hard to help you figure out your life purpose, it’s fairly easy to look for life purpose in the wrong place.
Because I help people unpack their ‘life purpose’ journey, I hear a lot about what people have tried and what isn’t working all that well. (And my own mistakes have informed this list too!)
You are looking for happiness - not purpose. Too often, this idea of ‘life purpose’ is wrapped up in a search for ‘life happiness.’ In truth, the research clearly shows that chasing happiness makes us unhappy. Watch this compelling Ted Talk who explains that what we are actually looking for is a ‘meaningful life.’ ‘Meaning’ comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. More on that below!
You’re looking for the answer on Google or Facebook. Have you googled “how-can-I-find-my-life-purpose-in-30-days”? Be honest. I did it too. Finding your life purpose doesn’t start with looking at the outside world or at other people. Can we all agree you won’t find life purpose by going to Facebook? Or on Instagram? If you are looking at someone else and think “They have it figured out” you are probably wrong. In fact, knowing your life purpose begins with understanding you and only you.
You believe you don’t know how to figure it out. Perhaps you’ve tried a bunch of things already and nothing feels like it has stuck. Or maybe ‘life purpose’ feels so big you aren’t even trying. If you are reading this blog, then you are figuring it out. The life purpose journey begins with learning and introspection. Here you will get some ideas to figure it out but consider embracing the thought, “I can figure this out!”
You are trying to make your career your life purpose. A lot of the pressure we place on ourselves is to find the ‘perfect job.’ Part of your purpose may be your career but it doesn’t have to be. The Japanese have embraced this concept called Ikigai. Roughly translated it means your ‘purpose for being.’ Japanese centenarians (people who have reached 100 years of age) practice Ikigai which sees one’s vocation as only a part of one’s life purpose. In many ways, your life purpose transcends your career.
You are looking for a ‘Eureka’ moment. If only it were true that could experience that singular moment when you suddenly just know your life purpose. In fact, the ‘life purpose journey’ isn’t a destination. It is a journey and that journey never really ends. So instead of waiting for that ‘Eureka’ moment, your life purpose can be found in life’s little moments.
You believe that life purpose is one big thing. If you start looking for life purpose, you’ll start to read about people who are notorious or famous. Immediately, you’ll feel pressure like the ‘weight of the world’ on your shoulders. You might think, “To get to my life purpose, I need a new job, another degree, a volunteer role, or a lot of money.” Life purpose then becomes this ‘big thing’ to attain after years of preparation. In truth, life purpose is made up of all of the smaller actions you do every day starting now.
Life purpose: What is it anyway?
So now that you know what not to do, what is life purpose anyway? As you might expect, there are many different ways to unpack your life purpose and it starts with looking for meaning - not happiness. ‘Meaning’ comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Here are some ways that life purpose manifests in your life:
Creating meaningful connections every day. One of the core pillars of a life of purpose is to be part of a group where you are loved for who you are and where you love and appreciate others. It is not about achievement, success, or appearances. It is not about a job title. It is not about working for the perfect organization. Creating connections of love - even with a stranger - can happen in singular moments in your every day life. In those connections, you want to be fully present and leading that connection from a place of love.
Exercising your strengths in your daily activities. Again and again I have seen my clients connect to their life purpose through exercising their core talents. These are superpowers that set you apart from others in terms of how you take action, how you connect with people, how you think, and how you influence people. They are not skills. They are not degrees. When you put those superpowers to work, you shine. You are helping and creating impact. You are discovering how you can help others be successful.
Having a meaningful impact on others. Your purpose is deeply connected to how you want to help others. In my own work with nonprofit and mission-driven professionals and organizations a meaningful career is often described in these ways:
“I want to make a bigger impact.”
“I know there is something more probably something bigger I can contribute.”
Keep in mind that having a meaningful impact may or may not be found in a better job. Meaningful impact can be around how positively influence others. It can be found in how you can weave together complex ideas and make sense of something complicated. It may be found in how you solve problems or in how you support your colleagues at work. It might not even be found at work. Meaningful impact might be found in how you help out a neighbor in need, at how you are showing up for your child, or in how you are there to support a friend.
How can figure out your life purpose?
Again, unpacking your life purpose isn’t one big thing. It isn’t something you prepare for. In truth, you can start unpacking your life purpose right now.
Seize the opportunities in front of you now. Life purpose is more of a journey - not a destination. Our lives are often filled with responsibilities and obligations which feel like impediments to practicing this bigger idea of life purpose. But you can explore life purpose through small actions, 1:1 conversations, and experimentation.
Look to what lights you up to find your life purpose. The stuff of life purpose is found in what lights you up and makes you feel energetic. You will tap into life purpose when you feel a stronger sense of ‘calm’ or ‘peace.’ When you are in the flow and feel engaged, you are more likely tracking your life purpose. Start with the small things you know bring you energy and then use your exploration to find new and bigger things.
Allow curiosity to pave the way. Move over thinking brain! You don’t have to know your life purpose. You can just get started by exploring. Exploration means you are reading, listening, reflecting, journaling, have conversations, and just being open to possibilities. Curiosity will help you figure out what makes you tick. We tend to overthink everything and fail to listen to that voice within us. Curiosity helps you connect to your intuition or gut. It is your inner self saying, “Hey, let’s go over there!”
what is your first step?
What is your first step? It’s time to stop thinking about ‘life purpose’ and just get started. Where are you going to begin?
I work with clients to help them uncover their life purpose, strengths, and what makes them tick to plan the next phase of their life. Reach out for a free consultation to learn more.
